Composthaste’s Weblog

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Hit and Run

with one comment

To The gentleman who struck our car with my wife and 2 week old infant inside:

Sir, today started like any other day we’ve had in the last 2 weeks.  We snuggled with our new baby in bed.  By her good graces (and the fact that she’s tired of looking at my straggly-ass hair), she gave me her hair appointment so that I could get this shit trimmed.  Fear not, good friend, I will be getting it colored soon as well.  The appointment was originally at 3:30 but got moved to 12:15, otherwise fine man, we would never have met today.  When we left the house, tardy as usual, we attempted to get into the leased vehicle (if you had hit that one friend, we would not be quite so put out), however someone, no names will be mentioned here, left the lights on and the battery was dead.  Not ones to be dissuaded by such a small hiccup, we threw the infant, in her appropriately fitted car seat, into the vehicle we own.  Again sir, we might not be so unhappy with you had you hit our other vehicle.  I arrived at my hair appointment on time for the first time in my life.  My darling wife went home to get a blanket so that we could take our little Pooky-bear to her first luncheon.

During this time, I was enjoying a good shampoo and the best scalp massage ever complete with hot towel (sir, if you’ve never had this experience, it is quite divine).  I was enjoying some witty banter with my good friend and stylist when I got a phone call from my wife.  Yep, this is when you come into the story.  Apparently, you ran a red light while she was turning onto South Blvd.  Thankfully for her, my infant and frankly you as well, there was a slight delay in her getting into the intersection once the light turned green as she was trying to halt the screaming from the banshee in the back seat with a pacifier…no small task when the alien is behind you.  I’m sure you understand as it appears that you had a little person of your own in the car.

My friend-stylist-superhero finished trimming the bangs in record time and then drove me to the scene of the incident.  You seemed so nice and courteous at the time, asking how everyone was, making sure the baby was ok.  You even, despite, multiple websites’ advice, clearly you didn’t Google “I just was in an accident what do I do” before you got out of your car.  You told me three times that it was your fault; for future reference, you don’t need to say that.  We took some photos of the damage while we awaited the police and stood around (well, you and my wife stood around, while I breastfed my infant in the front seat of the damaged vehicle…nothing, not even your mistake, can keep the girl from the boob).  You stuck around so long, it didn’t occur to us that you would do what you did.

I write you this letter not because I’m that angry.  Everyone is fine and it’s just a car.  My beautiful wife is sore but will be ok in a few days and my precious daughter is similarly unscathed.  I write because, in the future, when you try to flee the scene of an accident that is your fault, do NOT drive away in a direction and at a speed by which I can leisurely memorize your  license plate number.  As I watched your Expedition slowly make its way onto the highway ramp, I was even able to ascertain that it was a Maryland plate.  We all learn from our mistakes.  Things you might want to glean from this experience.  Pay attention when driving your own precious cargo around, by the grace of whatever, this time no one was hurt.  Do not leave the scene of the accident.  Even if you are uninsured, you couldn’t get into more trouble by staying put than you would leaving…it just pisses people off, even Charlie Brown (our officer at the scene, can’t make that up).  And lastly, if you are considering a career as a get away car driver, you might want to rethink your options.  You are neither good at driving nor getting away.








Written by composthaste

April 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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  1. So glad you all are safe and well!


    April 29, 2012 at 11:52 am

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